please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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