Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
