new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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