"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
