Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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