This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
