Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
