I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it glows. i had to have it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
