He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
