boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
