The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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