i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
