Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
