woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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