theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
