My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
