just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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