im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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