Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
