grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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