He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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