Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
