Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
