Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
