the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
