I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
