I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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