Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
