I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize