just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
