I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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