they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, beer. Big fan.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
