you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
