i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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