will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
