I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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