p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
