chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
