Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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