you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize