Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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