If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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