Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
