when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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