i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize