Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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