now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just puked most of my soul out..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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