You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
PANTIES FOUND
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