So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
