If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Holy sore nipples Batman
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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