Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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