I will die if light touches me.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
