May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
