just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
