i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
