I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
