fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
