i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
