We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
