Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
