Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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