I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
